


Lying Comes Easy

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood, DFAB ! Laf, Eating Disorders, Financial Issues, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Misgendering, Multi, NONE OF THIS IS DETAILED AT ALL JUST MENTIONED/ TALKED ABOUT, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, Past Sexual Abuse, Prescription Drug Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Synesthesia, Trans Character, a lot of these things are in side characters I say which ones are reoccuring in the note, currently indefinite (ish) hiatus, more tags might be added but I think that's all for now, weed so nothing too bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-28 18:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7652212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lying comes easy when you need it to survive. The funny thing about lies though, is that you're often better off without them. Sometimes you just need to tell people when the black eye came from a father or boyfriend, or when you weren't puking from a stomach bug, or when you don't know if you'll have enough money for college. Sometimes it's better when people know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John; Bruised Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some kids are born with tragedy in their blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK FIRST THINGS FIRST;  
> Most of this is planned out so there probably wont be anything else really added in, but if there is something I decide to add I'll put it in the tags and make a note for it  
> SECONDLY;  
> A lot of things in the tags only happen once or to side characters, so this is what will be relevant: non-graphic child abuse, eating disorders/ self image issues, transphobic asshats, non-graphic physical and emotional abuse in a romantic relationship, past sexual abuse that's only referenced and talked/thought about so no flashabcks or anything, non-graphic violence and blood (like black eyes more than anything), over-using prescription meds, and recreational weed smoking  
> THIRD;  
> Almost every single thing in this fic is based on either my own experience or the experience of someone I know, pretty much the only things that aren't revolve around Theodosia, so not a big plot point or anything. I do think that I can portray this stuff relatively accurately because all of the really big things have happened to me or someone I know very well not just someone I know, but if there's anything someone finds that's off or something please do tell me.  
> LASTLY  
> Chapter-specific warnings;  
> \- implied/ referenced physical child abuse  
> \- some violence  
> \- referenced misgendering  
> \- implied/ referenced abuse speculated

John could taste the metallic tang of his own blood dripping out of the cut in his lip. The door slammed shut behind him with so much force that the house seemed to shake. He started jogging down the sidewalk, trying not to scream.

He could still feel the hand on his shoulder, the fingers digging in until his eyes watered, shaking him back and forth so hard he got whiplash. His shoulder still hurt like hell, and John knew that it would bruise. He kicked at the curb, overwhelmed with the urge to hit something, to break  _ something, _ he didn’t care what.

He grit his teeth until his jaw hurt and tipped his head up to look at the sky as he waited for the bus. His fingers tapped his thigh erratically with no coherent rhythm. By the time the bus arrived, he had calmed down enough to look normal. Inside his mind was racing with anger and adrenaline that coursed through his veins into his whole body. The walk to the gym from the bus stop was familiar enough that he didn’t have to think. He had a permanent locker there with gym clothes and bandages to wrap his hands in. He tried not to stare at the bruises blooming on his shoulder when he passed by the mirror.

He warmed up too quickly, rushing his stretches so he could get down to business. He knew he would regret not taking his time, but he was too hyped up on rage to care.

The punching bags hung in a line down a room in the gym, and the floor was covered in thin blue mats. John felt a painful wave of shock travel up his arm with the first hit, but he couldn’t stop. He thought that he was probably looking for the pain of the fight just as much as he was looking for release.

His arms grew tired and he couldn’t put any force in his swing anymore but the hatred was still inside of him. He twisted his body and leaned into the kick, watching the heavy bag swing back with sick satisfaction. He kneed it back and kept kicking it until he could move his arms again. He just kept moving, kept hitting it, kept fighting until he was so dizzy and weak that he fell to his knees on the floor. He watched the bag swing to a stop and brushed his hair out of his face where it was stuck to his forehead with sweat. His whole body felt numb, and his head was blissfully quiet as he stood and went back to the lockers.

The lockers were empty, and when John pulled out his phone he noticed that it was ten at night. He wondered how long he had been there, since the sun was still up when he left. He groaned and leaned back against the cold metal, a part of him glad that it was past his curfew. He had a good reason for not going back.

> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> << I missed my curfew, do you mind picking me up?
> 
> << I’m at the gym.

He showered quickly and changed into his normal clothes as he waited for Laf’s reply. He splashed cold water on his face, clenching his teeth as the pain from the fight fully set in. The bruises on his shoulder were dark purple by then, and the whole area was sore to the touch. He stuck a wet paper towel to his skin and pulled his shirt sleeve down to hide it.

> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> ofc mon ami I’m omw
> 
> >> got a guest, just moved in
> 
> << Thanks. I’ll be in the front lobby, just text me when you’re here.
> 
> << Who’s the kid?

He didn’t bother smiling at the person at the front desk, who he only knew a little bit. More than anything else he knew that he was a complete ass named James, a sexist pig who would harass a girl named Maria whenever she came to swim. He didn’t know much about him, but John still hated him.

> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> here

He smiled tiredly at Laf as he slid into the front seat. He hadn’t brought anything more than his keys and phone and whatever else he had in his pockets, so he didn’t bother to look in the backseat to put a bag. He started lowering his seat as soon as he was buckled in, glad for the hundredth time that Lafayette’s seats reclined all the way. He wasn’t really listening to Laf as they spoke, instead letting their soft words lull him to sleep. Then a different, unexpected voice came from behind Laf.

John yelled and flinched away, suddenly wide awake. He blinked at the kid in the back seat, who he realized must’ve been the guest they mentioned. He stared at the kid for a second, trying to make out his features in the darkness.

“Alexander.” The kid said. “I’m Alexander.”

“John,” John said quietly, slowly lifting his seat up just enough to comfortably talk to Alexander.

“Alexandre just moved into the building.” Laf’s building was one of the new mixed development residences in the city center, with a few things on the bottom floor and houses in the floors above. The top few floors were elegant flats so large they could only fit two on each level. John wondered where in the building Alexander moved.

“Lord, please tell me you replaced the Jeffersons.”

“Don’t be rude, John, Thomas is nice.”

“Only cause he has a boner for all of France.”

Alexander snorted and raised an amused eyebrow. “I didn’t replace them, the Washingtons adopted me.”

John nodded, groaning softly. Here he was hoping that the Jeffersons would leave, but it didn't seem like that would happen anytime soon. He wondered if he should ask Alexander about what it was like in the system, since he had been thinking about it for years. The emotional part of him wanted nothing more than his parents to drop dead so he could finally just get away, but the rational part of him kept thinking of his siblings. They’d be separated, and he couldn’t do that. He had to look out for them. He couldn’t risk filing the report if it meant losing them.

He made a soft noncommittal noise and leaned back down, letting himself fall asleep so he wouldn’t think about it anymore. When he was about to fall under, his brain processed a small piece of information he had noticed before. He thought he remembered seeing a dark bruise hidden just beneath the collar of Alexander’s shirt.

\---

John woke to Lafayette snapping in his face and muttering in French. He was glad they hadn’t touched him. They had learned long ago that John didn’t react well to being woken like that. He rubbed his forehead and sat up, Lafayette smiling and walking away from the car. John got out of it and closed the door, following them into the building as they locked it.

The garage led directly to the lobby, which was incredible. There was really no other way to put it; there was a fountain by the main entrance and a small roped off area that led to a restaurant to one side. The other side led to a pool and spa, like some sort of million dollar hotel. The three got in the elevator and waited to get to level thirty five. Lafayette had to let the elevator red their keycard to let them up, and even after that they had to unlock the door to their house. At least it was secure.

Adrienne was on the couch in the living room, hunched over a book. She barely glanced up at them when they came in. The kitchen was open, connected to the rest of the common area with nothing but a tall counter and some bar stools separating it. Laf walked over and leaned against the counter as John took a seat.

“When did you last eat?”

John absentmindedly tongued his split lip and shrugged. “I missed dinner.”

Laf nodded and turned to the fridge and pulled out some cold pizza as Alexander sat down next to John. He could see that Alexander wanted to say something, probably asking why John wasn’t at his own house.

“You’re a saint.” John practically moaned when he bit into the pizza.

“I am named after several, mon ami. Now eat and go to bed, I’ll be in later.” John nodded and tuned them out as they started talking to Alexander. He wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but Alexander was speaking passionately at a mile a minute. Laf was listening and occasionally interjecting something, and John thought he heard some French mixed in. He wondered is Alexander spoke it.

He wondered if he should say something to Alexander, to clarify that he wasn’t always a mess, but he was too tired to think of words. Instead he just got up, put away what was left of the pizza and shuffled off to Laf’s room. It wasn’t that late, but he was exhausted from the physical and emotional stress of the day. He heard Laf say something softly, probably giving Alexander some sort of explanation as to why John was there. It was hard to explain the nature of their relationship. They were friends, but they didn’t quite act like it. They had been inseparable since the fourth grade, when Lafayette moved out of France, and they knew each other better than almost anyone else. Then there was Herc, of course, whom they had met in middle school.

He smiled to himself when he got to Laf’s room, looking through the bottom drawer of their dresser for clothes. John and Herc had been over enough that Laf kept a whole drawer of their clothes. He pulled on his shorts and one of Herc’s sweaters and climbed into the bed. He figured Alexander would either leave or sleep on the air mattress, and briefly wondered what he would see in them. It wasn’t unusual for John and Laf to sleep in the same bed, but it wouldn’t look like that to an outsider. They were the kind of friends that shared everything, even if it happened to break social norms.

Which is why John knew they would always stay friends. The thought made him bitter, even though he knew he should be happy. He was, somewhere. But the resentment and want overpowered it. He wanted Lafayette to be more, something other than a friend. John knew it wouldn’t happen. The three would share everything. There was no space for hidden feelings. John was the exception; he was the liar. He knew that what he wanted wouldn’t-- couldn’t-- happen. So he lied and pretended to be content, because it would be even worse to lose them.

He woke hours later in a panicked haze, the nightmare of his father fading from his memory as Laf pulled him in closer and ran their hands through his hair. He wondered if Alexander was still there, and hoped he didn’t wake him.

\---

Alexander was still there the next morning, but thankfully looked like he had slept through the night. His sleeping shirt was looser than the one he had worn the day before, and John could tell that he hadn’t imagined the bruise on his collarbone.

“So, Alexander,” John raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Who’s that hickey from?”

Alexander’s eyes widened and he self-consciously touched the mark. He let out a laugh and bit his lip, shrugging sheepishly. “Oh, it’s still there? I thought it’d fade by now. It’s from a girl from the city I lived in before the Washingtons adopted me.”

John leaned back in his chair, letting out a low whistle. “So it’s been there for what, a week? More? Damn, that’s one hell of a hickey.”

“It was one hell of a girl.” Alexander looked back at his plate and picked at his omelet. John wondered if the clenching of his teeth was real, or if he was imagining it.

\---

Alexander left after breakfast, thanking Laf and saying that he still had some unpacking to do. John thought that he might’ve been lying, just going to give them some privacy. Whatever it was, John felt a little more relaxed with the new presence gone. John liked him; Alexander was energetic and articulate and interesting, but he just couldn’t handle the stress of trying to read him, to see what he was like, to see if he was safe or not. When he was alone with Laf, he could let his guard down.

He had wondered when the question would come. It had hung between them like an axe when they were in the house, and the silence in Laf’s car was thick with apprehension. Finally it did come, when they were close to the edge of the suburbs.

“What happened?” John looked out the window, glad that Laf was driving and he didn’t have to meet their eyes.

“He was misgendering you again.” When he finally spoke it was through gritted teeth. “Kept saying all this shit about you. We got in a fight.”

When he looked back at Laf, he saw them swallow, and noticed that their fingers were tense on the driving wheel.

“You shouldn’t have gotten in trouble because of me.”

“I wasn’t just gonna sit there!” He knew that Laf was blaming themself for John’s confrontational tendencies , that they thought it was their fault he got hit. It wasn’t because of them. John would’ve gotten hit for something, that just happened to be the current subject of their fight. He sighed, “Laf, it’s not your fault. You weren’t even there.”

“You still got hit because of me.” He could hear the razor’s edge in their voice.

“It wasn’t you. It would’ve happened anyways. You know that.”

The rest of the drive was silent.

\---

John had a car, even though it didn’t really feel like his. He only ever got to drive it to and from school, and to run errands, so it wasn’t really his, it was his father’s. Just like everything else in the house, it came with strings attached. He probably would’ve taken Martha shopping even if he didn’t have to. She was going into ninth grade in the same school he went to, and John knew it was better for her to go with him than with someone else.

“Hey, Martha,” She turned to look at John from where she was bent over the stack of different colored spiral notebooks. “I’m gonna go look at calculators, text me when you’re done.”

“Alright.” She waved him off and turned back to the pile.

John walked off to the aisle full of math supplies and ended up buying a fancy ruler and some graph paper, even though it wasn’t technically on his list.

> **Sis #1**
> 
> >> I’m done, where r u?
> 
> << I’m going to use the bathroom, meet me at aisle 3 so I can give you my basket.

He slid his phone into his pocket and started walking to the bathrooms, running into Martha on the way there to give her his basket.

Miraculously, the bathroom didn’t actually smell like an exploded sewage pipe as most Target bathrooms did. He noticed that the floor was shining, and figured that he must’ve been one of the first ones in after it was cleaned. He smiled to himself and locked himself in a stall.

> **Group; Lafayetti Spaghetti, Disney Hoe**
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> JOHN
> 
> >> JO H M
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Ah yes, Johm
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> shush I am concerned
> 
> >> johns not responded since I dropped him off
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> John hasn’t*
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Calm down Laf, I’m alright, and don’t be a little shit Herc, that’s my job.
> 
> << Sorry I forgot to text
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> HE L I V E S

He smiled at his phone as the door swung open. He snapped his head up and braced his feet against the door on a whim. He silenced his phone and stared at the feet of the couple who had just come in.

“It’s your fault!” John’s eyes widened at the loud, angry tone. One of the pairs of feet was shuffling towards the other, who seemed to be backing against the sinks. The second person shuffled a little, probably checking the stalls to see if there was anyone in the bathroom.

“Can’t this wait until we get--”

“No, it can’t!” John turned his phone back on, deciding that this needed to be documented.

> **Me**
> 
> << Jesus Christ
> 
> << I’m stuck in a Target bathroom right now.
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> uh what
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> How tf do you get stuck in a Target bathroom
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << There’s a couple that just walked in, they’re fighting.
> 
> << It’s intense.

“You cost me my job!” The way the first person spoke sounded vaguely familiar. “You knew that you would, didn’t you!”

> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Oh shit
> 
> >> What’s happening??
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> !!!! spill

“You know I didn’t mean to get you fired, you know that I--”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

> **Me**
> 
> << One just got fired, I think he’s blaming the other for it.
> 
> << They both sound kind of familiar? It’s probably my imagination.
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Holy shit dude
> 
> >> Yeah idk a lot of people sound alike

“I just got  _ fired  _ because of  _ you!” _

“It wasn’t my fault I didn’t do anything--”

“You were there! If you were somewhere else, I would still have a job!”

> **Sis #1**
> 
> >> What’s taking so long?
> 
> >> I got the stuff, I’m out by the car. Just meet me here when you’re done.

“I’m sorry, I,”

“I know,” The voice sounded defeated. “I’m sorry I snapped. You’re right, it was my fault for being stupid enough to get fired.”

> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> u probs heard them at like, u know, target
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Wow what an incredible theory there Laf
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> I hate u
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Rude
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Ok this sounds really manipulative.
> 
> << I don’t know, maybe the guy isn’t doing it on purpose? It sounds bad.
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> maybe u should go out?? See what’s going on???
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Maybe but you probably don’t want to look like a creep

“No, you’re right, it was my fault. I’m sorry.” The next few words were too muffled to hear, then one of the two left.

> **Me**
> 
> << I’m going to see what happened.
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> !!!!!! good luck

He slid his phone back in his pocket and quietly got up. He waited a moment before flushing. When he opened the door he saw none other than Alexander staring back at him with wide, scared eyes.

“John, what are you--”

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.” He said quickly. Alexander didn’t relax, but moved a bit so he could wash his hands. “I didn’t want to snoop I swear, I just didn’t really know what to do when you came in.” Alexander nodded, but still looked a little scared. “What… What happened?”

Alexander stiffened for a second, then shrugged. “My ex. I’m a petty piece of shit, so I got him fired. Had to act sorry though, cause he’d take it out of his sister. I don’t want collateral.”

John nodded, relaxing. He was glad Alexander was alright, even if they didn’t really know each other very well.

“That makes sense, I guess. I need to go now, sorry, my sister’s waiting.” Alexander nodded as he left.

“There you are!” Martha rolled her eyes at him when he got out to thee car. He unlocked it for her and put away the bags as she climbed into the passenger’s seat. “What the hell took you so long?”

John took a moment to think of an excuse as he shut the trunk and walked to the driver’s seat. “They were out of soap, I had to flag down an employee.”

She raised her eyebrows but seemed to accept it.

\---

> **Group; Lafayetti Spaghetti, Disney Hoe**
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN
> 
> >> J O H N
> 
> >> J
> 
> >> O
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Jesus Laf calm down he’s probably driving
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> H
> 
> >> idc he needs to tell me what happened
> 
> >> N
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> What so you want him to text and drive
> 
> >> Fucking brilliant idea there
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> language herc
> 
> >> and no I don’t want him to text and drive that’s illegal
> 
> >> I want him to speed
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> That’s illegal too Laf
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> ssshhhhh
> 
> >> I need answers
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Just wait for fucks sake
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> !!!!!! language !!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> We’re juniors, Laf
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> exactly
> 
> >> juniors, not hooligans
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << They’re kind of the same thing.
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> J OH N
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Yes
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> WH A T HAOPENED
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Spelling
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> SH U S J
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Turns out they were ex-boyfriends. The second one got the first fired for revenge and had to act sorry so the first wouldn’t take his anger out on his sister.
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> >> makes sense I guess
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Did you know them after all?
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << No, I probably just met the first at Target.
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Called it
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> #rude
> 
> >> I called that
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> It’s good that it wasn’t actually an abusive relationship at least
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Yeah that would be bad.
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> No shit Sherlock
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> LA N G U AG E
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Hey Laf do you have Alexander’s number?
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Shut it Laf
> 
> >> Alexander????
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> I do
> 
> [one contact attached]
> 
> >> oh he just moved in with the washingtons
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> How does John know then
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Thanks Laf
> 
> << I stayed at their house last night, Alexander was there too.
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Oh ok
> 
> >> Laf you should pick me up more often
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> ;)))
> 
> >> thats what they all say
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> From. Work.
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << I need to go for dinner.
> 
> **Lafayetti Spaghetti**
> 
> >> mmmhhm
> 
> >> ok go eat
> 
> **Disney Hoe**
> 
> >> Shut up Laf
> 
> >> Ok

\---

> **Elizard**
> 
> << Hey, do you want to come over later? Pre-calc is stressing me out.
> 
> >> It hasn’t started yet John
> 
> >> But I’d love to come over anyways and help you with anything you’re stressed about
> 
> << You’re the best! <3
> 
> >> So I’ve heard <3
> 
> >> I’ll be there at seven
> 
> << Sounds great! If you want to stay over, you can.
> 
> >> I think I will, I don’t like to be out after dark
> 
> << Yeah of course.

\---

> **Alexander**
> 
> << Hey, it’s John. From Lafayette’s house the other day.
> 
> << I got your number from them by the way.
> 
> << I was just wondering something. You said you two had dated, but you only moved here about a week ago. Were you dating long-distance or something?
> 
> << Alexander?
> 
> << Is this a bad time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should update my other fic Coincidence and Fate Walk Into a Park but nah I wrote this instead bc stress  
> I think updates will come quickly but I tend to say that then not update so they probably will come quickly but no promises  
> Thank you for reading this !!!!!!!!!!!! There's a lot more on its way


	2. Lafayette; The Pretty Dancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stained glass is always beautiful, even when it's broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is most likely gonna keep updating every Monday, since I've got a lot of it already written, I just need to edit it. Thank you @ everyone reading this <3 <3 ily  
> The dance in this is based off of this really amazing drag performance I saw once tbch, I'd recommend listening to Beggin' by Madcon at some point in time  
> Chapter-specific warnings;  
> \- vague referenced past sexual assault/abuse, nothing in detail  
> \- eating disorder  
> \- idk this might make ppl uncomfortable so there's a bit where someone says 'son' referencing a female character but everyone's cool w/ it in this

Every saturday Laf would wake up at seven and make breakfast for them and Adrienne. They weren't naturally a morning person, but then again almost no one was, but Laf was awake enough after their shower. The drive to the studio was quiet as usual, with Adrienne on her phone and occasionally singing along to the radio, and Lafayette driving them both.

"Adrienne, wait," Laf stopped their sister before she could go off to the section of the building with her level. "You forgot your other shoe."

"Oh, thanks." Adrienne took it from them and left to find her friends. Laf smiled and walked over to Angelica, who was on the floor stretching.

"Hey stranger." She said. "How's it goin'?"

Laf shrugged as they set their bag down and started to stretch with her. "There's a new kid in the building, he was adopted by the Washingtons."

"Really?" She raised a perfect eyebrow. "I didn't know they were looking to adopt."

"I don't think they were. Alexander, the kid, said something about how an old friend of his called in a favor for CPS and that's how the Washingtons found out about him. Why they ended up adopting him is unknown to me, but that's apparently how they heard."

"Interesting. So, how old is this 'kid'?" She made air quotation marks as she stood for her standing stretches.

"He's my age. He will also be a junior this year." Angelica nodded. She was a year ahead of Laf, a senior whom they wouldn't know if it weren't for their shared dance class. Angelica had been in that program since she was five, and Laf joined when they were ten. They had started dancing back in France, so they could skip a few levels instead of being stuck with the others their age.

They frowned when they saw the reflection of someone talking to their instructor in the mirror. They turned to get a better look at the two, trying to figure out who the second person was. He had his thick black hair greased back, and wore a suit that was too big in the shoulders. Hercules would be offended by the suit on a personal level, Laf thought, laughing to themself.

"Do you know who that is?"

Angelica nodded. "A talent scout, apparently. I overheard the instructor talking to him on the phone this morning when I got here. He's looking for talent for some musical that needs a few teenage actors who can dance."

Laf smirked as they stood again, taking a drink from their water bottle. They knew they could dance, they'd been doing it their whole life. They knew they could sing too, and wondered how the scout would contact them for auditions.

Angelica saw the look on their face and leaned back against the wall. "Don't get cocky, kid, the scout’s looking at the other classes too."

"We’re the highest level, Angelica." Laf watched the scout with a fascination as he finished talking to the instructor and went to sit on the floor in front of the mats in the room. "All of the other upper levels are specialty classes, and I'm gonna go out on my leg here and say he's looking for modern dancers."

"Out on a limb, not leg." Angelica corrected. The instructor called everyone in the begin the class, saving them the trouble of responding.

The class that day was more stressful than usual, since they were performing for the scout. Lafayette could feel the scout's eyes on their back as they showed their solo routine, feeling their face heat up with shame when they lost their balance for a split-second. They kept going, hoping that their skin was dark enough to hide their blush so the scout wouldn't know they messed up. Laf watched the others as they did their routines, feeling some sort of relief setting into them as each one went. There were a couple others as good as Laf, Angelica among them, but everyone else in the class was clearly lacking their amount of experience.

After that they had a partner's dance, which they’d been practicing a lot recently. Laf was partnered with Angelica, and they both knew each other’s skills and habits like their own. Laf would be lying to say they weren't feeling like they had that one in the bag.

They knew they were right when they got to the toss. Most people in the class didn’t have muscle mass to throw their partner, since it’s extremely difficult to build that sort of muscle without years of dedicated exercise, at least when you’re filled with estrogen, but the added testosterone in their system gave Laf an advantage. Of course there was Pierre, and he could certainly pull his weight, but he wasn't as agile as Laf was. The combination of strength and skill left them high with the feeling of victory as Angelica struck her finishing pose. They followed, waited a beat, then took her hand to bow together. Laf couldn’t help the self-satisfied smirk on their face.

Angelica hit their arm when they were walking to the side of the room, whispering at them not to get cocky. They shrugged and smirked, saying that it was hard not to be.

The last event was an on the spot dance to a song of the scout’s choosing. Laf's throat started to close up with panic, but they willed themself to stay calm. The others in the class didn’t look much better off, other than the few that could either hide their emotions, or were arrogant enough to not be anxious. Laf took a deep breath. They had been doing this their whole life. They knew how to move their body.

_ "You're a natural, keep dancing. You sure know how to move that body." _

They took a drink of water and mentally prepared themself as they watched Angelica go. She was right before them, and had the song Miss Jackson by P!ATD to dance to. Laf knew that the scout didn't know Angelica, but he really couldn't have chosen better for her. She killed it, and she knew it.

Then they were up. Laf took a deep breath and went into starting position, pleasantly surprised when they recognized the song that started playing. Immediately they started to move their hips to the beat, closing their eyes as the song continued. Madcon's Beggin' was sexy and smooth, something Laf could dance to in any way they wanted. They felt the beat in their chest, in the floor, and in the air around them. They felt like this was where they belonged.

Towards the end of the song, they were coming out of the splits when they met the eye of the scout to the side. He smiled at them, and something in that smile made them miss half a beat. They were back on their feet in no time, shoving the lecherous grin to the back of their mind. They wouldn't let somebody's beady eyes ruin their shot at a break.

Laf wondered what the hell the memory in the back of their mind was. They were sure it was something they’d read, since their favorite book as a child was about dancing. They had never remembered someone like the one in their head before. There was no reason to start remembering then.

After the practice ended the scout got up from where he sat and approached the group of dancers getting their bags. Lafayette was talking to Angelica and pretending they weren’t watching the man hand out business cards to a select few. They felt like they had been filled with ecstasy when the scout handed them a pale blue card with an agency name, number, and address on it.

\---

“Marie, you won a thing today at dance, no?” They hesitated a second before nodding at their mother.

“There was a talent scout looking for dancers in a musical. It’s paid,” Laf pulled the card out of their pocket and handed it to her so she could inspect it. “He only gave out four.”

“Marie, that’s incredible!” She said. “You should invite some friends over for dinner to celebrate.” They nodded and went back into their room.

> **Group; (ง'̀-'́)ง, mon œuf**
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << hey u should come over for dinner
> 
> << herc I can probs pick you up from work
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Shit, no goes. I’m covering the late shift for Dolley tonight.
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << language herc
> 
> << :(( ok but maybe tomorrow??
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> I’m pretty sure tomorrow works for me
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Why?
> 
> >> I don’t think I can come either, sorry. My dad’s been pissed and I don’t want to miss ‘family time.’
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << that’s ok mon ami tomorrow maybe ??
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Yeah, sure, that works for me.
> 
> >> Still, why?
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << so I was at dance today with angelica and there was a scout there
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Holy shit
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << he gave me a card for his agency !!!!!!! angelica too
> 
> << LANGUAGE
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Holy shit Laf that’s so cool!
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << L A N  G U A G E
> 
> << but yes it is and I am v v happy
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Yeah, that’s really cool!!!!
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Holy shit it’s so cool John used multiple exclamation points
> 
> >> The world will never be the same
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Leave me alone, Hercules.
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << watch ur mouth herc

Laf smiled down at their phone and wondered if they should invite Alexander. They decided they  should, because sooner or later he would have to meet their parents.

> **Yells (Alexandre)**
> 
> << mon ami do u want to come down and have dinner with me
> 
> << my parents invited you btw
> 
> >> Yeah, sounds cool, I’ll be right down.
> 
> << lol is that proper punctuation
> 
> << u should talk to john lmao
> 
> >> Why?
> 
> << cause he does that too
> 
> << punctuates
> 
> << wait didn’t he text u last night I gave him ur number
> 
> >> I’m here.

Dinner went unexpectedly well. Laf wasn’t entirely sure why they were concerned, but they supposed it was just general anxiety over their friend actually sitting down and talking to their family, as anyone would have. They shouldn’t have worried, they realized, because Alexander was a natural charmer. He was witty and smart, and he spoke French, which was really the only thing Laf’s parents needed to know about a friend to like them.

The meal their parents made was by far their favorite; fish cooked to perfection and tartiflette that made americans weep. For once, they couldn’t keep themself from eating. It didn’t stop the growing guilt and nausea, but they swallowed it with their water and pretended to be normal.

Alexander left shortly after dinner. Laf was glad he did, because they didn’t want to risk Alexander seeing the ugly side of them. They could taste bile in the back of their mouth as they put their dishes in the washer. They quickly excused themself to use the bathroom.

\---

Lafayette felt dizzy, as if the whole world was spinning around them in HD and technicolor. There was a high-pitched whine that sounded like a shriek in their ears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard they tried to block it out. They grabbed the edge of the toilet to keep them from rocking back and forth dangerously. Laf wondered for a moment if they would faint.

After a few seconds the dizziness passed and the headache set in. Laf collapsed on their ass on the cold tile, pressing the palm of their hand against their forehead. They counted to five and flushed the toilet to get rid of the rancid smell. They stood slowly, leaning on the wall for support.

Once Laf had collected themself they washed their hands with practiced ease, smoothing out the wrinkles on the pads of their fingers to make sure no one could tell they had been down their throat. Laf quickly brushed their teeth and gargled some mouthwash, splashing their face with cold water. They leaned forwards and reapplied their lipstick and looked over their outfit in the full-body mirror on the back of the door. They noticed that their skirt was hiked up their thigh from where they had been sitting and smoothed it out before going back into the living room.

No one would ever be able to tell.

\---

> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >> Hey Laf do you know what the musical’s supposed to be about
> 
> << no I haven’t looked at the agency yet
> 
> >> I haven’t either
> 
> >> Wanna go tomorrow to look at it together?
> 
> << absolutely

\---

> **Group; (ง'̀-'́)ง, mon œuf, Queen, Do Not Antagonize, Yells (Alexandre)**
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << yo party at my place the friday before school starts
> 
> << aka the day after tomorrow
> 
> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >> Sign me the fuck up
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> Angelica, don’t be crude
> 
> >> I’ll be there!
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Lol Laf why do u correct me all the time but you never call out Angelica
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << angelica is intimidating ok
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> You can’t really argue with that.
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> Laf, do you want us to bring anything?
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << don’t think so we got lots of stuff
> 
> << candy if u have any
> 
> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >>  I have a tub of twizzlers
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> You are my favorite person, I’ve said that right?
> 
> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >> Yeah ok Jonny boy
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> That’s not my name.
> 
> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >> Yeah ok Jonny boy
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Fuckin rip
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << language herc
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> Agreed ^
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << ur on my side <3
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> <3
> 
> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >> Eliza how dare you go against your own sister like this
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> You don’t need to be vulgar Angie
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Shit son you just got owned by your own sister.
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << language john
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> Wait who’s the other person in the chat?
> 
> >> There’s a number here I don’t recognize, whoever it is hasn’t done anything
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << his names alexandre he was adopted by the washingtons
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> It’s Alexander not Alexandre
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << I am french
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Wow
> 
> >> I see how it is
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> Oh ok, is he in our grade?
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Yeah.
> 
> >> Hey Alexander when you read this, respond to my fucking texts.
> 
> **mon œuf**
> 
> >> Wow someone’s salty af
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << LANGUAGE
> 
> **Queen**
> 
> >> What’s he even like?
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << he speaks fluent french and that’s really all you need to know
> 
> **(ง'̀-'́)ง**
> 
> >> Wow.
> 
> >> He’s smart and opinionated, he talks a lot.
> 
> >> Basically me if I didn’t punch people, and talked very aggressively instead.
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << ok tru
> 
> **Do Not Antagonize**
> 
> >> Sounds like a joy
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << oh angie
> 
> << ur gonna love him

\---

_ The dream was distorted. Everything too wavy and in the wrong set of colors. Laf knew this, and yet it still felt real. Dreams always did, they supposed. _

_ This dream was one they had never had before. Someone was holding Laf on their shoulders, and they were waving a trophy around. They’d had dreams of victory before, but in this one they were five. They were laughing, looking out at the people watching. Someone stood up, a man that didn’t have a face. Or maybe he did have a face, and they just didn’t remember it. The man walked forwards and cupped Laf’s face with one hand, then their blood was running cold and the high from the victory was gone. They tried to move away but the person beneath them turned into a rock, then a chair, with shackles around their ankles. _

_ The man was back again, but this time he didn’t touch them. Instead he leaned over so his mouth was only a few centimeters away from their ear, and he whispered. His breath smelled like alcohol and motor oil. Laf wondered if that was supposed to mean anything to them. _

_ “You’re a beautiful dancer. Keep dancing, ma petite fille, you’re a natural.” _

_ The words sounded disembodied, like someone was shouting them into a megaphone instead of whispering them into Lafayette’s ear. They felt the hair on the back of their neck raise, and tried to curl into themself. They didn’t know why. Everything faded into a dark gray fog as they began to wake, but the whisper returned before they were up. _

_ “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill your little sister.” _

\---

The clock read four thirty eight when Laf woke up. The dream was slipping from their memory like sand in a broken hourglass, but something inside of them felt disgusting, like there was some sort of black, festering wound where their heart should be. They clawed their way out from under the covers, shocked when the air hit their sweat-covered skin. It was summer, so they wore nothing more than booty shorts and a sports bra to bed. It felt like nothing.

It was almost five in the morning, but they stumbled into their bathroom all the same. The lights were too bright, and they winced, squinting at their reflection with repulsion. They looked away from it, resisting the urge to hurl, and started the shower, getting out a towel and pulling off their clothes.

The water was too hot, and Laf could see their skin turn pink. They stood in the shower doing nothing so long they lost track of time. Then it was like something possessed them, and Laf started scrubbing every centimeter of their skin until it was raw and stinging and the burning water felt like they were being set on fire.

When they redressed they wore sweatpants and one of Herc’s sweaters. It was soft and too big, and Laf found something about it comforting.

It was dark in the house with nothing more than the flashlight on their phone to lead the way. They flicked on the dimmest kitchen light and put on a kettle, pulling out a pack of tea without really thinking about it. They took the kettle off the stove as soon as steam started to come out of it so they wouldn’t wake anyone up, and poured themself a cup of peppermint tea as the sun began to rise.

They didn’t go back to sleep that night.

\---

> **Yells (Alexandre)**
> 
> << alexandre
> 
> >> Yeah Laf?
> 
> << what do u do when you can’t sleep
> 
> >> Well that depends on why I can’t sleep
> 
> >> Are you ok do you want me to come over?

Lafayette smiled down at their phone, their eyes getting misty at the thought that he would come over before dawn just in case they weren’t ok.

> << non don’t worry mon ami, just a nightmare
> 
> >> Oh ok
> 
> >> For nightmares I usually get a drink, stay up for a bit and listen to aggressive music, then only go to bed if/when I’m really tired
> 
> << thank u
> 
> >> Of course
> 
> << hey one last thing
> 
> >> Yeah?
> 
> << john wants you to answer his messages
> 
> << alexandre
> 
> << alexandre?
> 
> << did u fall asleep?
> 
> << alexandre???
> 
> [message was read at 5:49 am]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexander's almost as bad as facing his problems as I am.  
> Next up-- Alexander's POV


	3. Alexander; Just Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're burning fast and bright, like cigarettes, or stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm??????? I'm so tired. Idk. This is. Idfk. I was too tired to edit like seven paragraphs in the middle of this o o p s I hope no one can notice which ones BUT if u can I am sorry I'm just,,,,,,,,, rly tired,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
> Tbh this one hits close to home since it's based on a long distance signif I once had tho we were never close thank fuck,,,, but yeah,,,,,,, that happened,,,, I too run away from all of my problems, like Alexander  
> Chapter specific warnings--  
> \- physical injury  
> \- anxiety!  
> \- domestic abuse aftermath (like not an actual scene but the scene after)  
> \- emotionally manipulative relationship  
> \- alexander deserves better but we're getting there ok

> **Freckles (John)**
> 
> 5 message notifications: Is this a bad time?

Alexander looked at the message preview, wondering if he should click it. John would then know that he’d seen his messages, and Alexander read the previews as they came in, he knew that they had something to do with James. He didn’t really want to talk about James, not with John, not with anyone. It wasn’t anyone else’s business who he was dating.

He put his phone down and turned back to his laptop. He put his longest playlist on shuffle and turned on his phone’s ringer so he could hear any new messages. He tapped his fingers on his desk and reread what he had, wondering how he should write the next bit. For once it wasn’t an article he was working on, but instead a story filled with subliminal messaging. He figured that kids who were brainwashed by shitty parents wouldn’t read an article about equal rights, so he had to hide the messaging in something they would read. It was noble work, really.

His phone chimed.

> **Freckles (John)**
> 
> 6 message notifications: Alexander it’s been[...]

Alex muted his phone, swallowing down the guilt clawing its way up into his head and heart. He knew that John just wanted to help, that he was trying to be a nice person, but John didn’t need to know; it wasn’t his business anyways. That’s what Alexander kept saying.

He checked his phone a little over an hour later, wondering if anyone else had messaged him.

> **Freckles (John)**
> 
> 13 message notifications: JUST ANSWER YOUR DAM[...]
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> 3 message notifications: alexandre pls johns[...]

He stared at it for a moment before deleting the notifications.

> **Group; G. Washington, M. Washington**
> 
> 3 message notifications: Alexander, what do y[...]

He leaned back in his chair and opened the messages, pointedly ignoring Laf and John.

> **Group; G. Washington, M. Washington**
> 
> **G. Washington**
> 
> >> I’ll be back from work late tonight, I can pick up takeout
> 
> **M. Washington**
> 
> >> Sounds good to me. How about pizza?
> 
> **G. Washington**
> 
> >> Alexander, what do you want for dinner?
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Pizza sounds great, I don’t particularly care about the toppings.
> 
> **G. Washington**
> 
> >> Alright, I’ll pick something up on the way home.

Alexander flinched at the word, remembering that this was supposed to be that, a home. He didn’t really know what he was expecting from an adoption. It was different from the foster homes in almost every way possible, since he was the only kid there, and the parents actually cared. The building itself was incredible as well, grandiose and magnificent, and everything he had dreamed of as a child. Still, it didn’t feel like a home.

‘Home’ was the tiny apartment he shared with mom and brother, the one that always smelled like arroz con pollo and was a little too stuffy. Home was the way they’d share a meal mom made out of five dollars, laughing and talking about their dreams. Home was where he was after his father left, when it was just the three of them. Home wasn’t stable, it wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t supposed to be. Home was supposed to too hot and too crowded and more than a bit of a mess. It was supposed to embody the people in it.

This house was too tidy. It had the same floorplan as Laf’s, but the walls were painted pale green. Alexander had massive bookshelves lined up against one wall, most of them still empty. He still had a box in the corner. His desk was void of anything personal; it was just a nice-looking stand for his lamp and computer.

He sighed and turned his phone back on.

> **Freckles (John)**
> 
> 15 message notifications: Seriously Alexander[...]
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> 6 message notifications: ALEXANDRE VOUS MORCE[...]

He winced at the preview for Laf’s message, knowing that there were definitely some choice words waiting for him. He decided to answer John’s messages first, since he seemed more worried, if only by the sheer number of messages.

> **Freckles (John)**
> 
> >> Hey, it’s John. From Laf’s house the other day.
> 
> >> I got your number from them by the way.
> 
> >> I was just wondering something. You said you two had dated, but you only moved here about a week ago. Were you dating long-distance or something?
> 
> >> Alexander?
> 
> >> Is this a bad time?
> 
> >> Alexander it’s been four days, please answer, I am worried
> 
> >> OK LAF JUST TOLD ME YOU ANSWERED THEIR MESSAGE LAST NIGHT
> 
> >> WTF MAN I’VE BEEN STRESSIN TO DEATH OVER HERE
> 
> >> I’m sorry that was rude.
> 
> >> POINT STILL STANDS WHAT THE FUCK MAN
> 
> >> Jesus Christ why are you avoiding this?????????? Is something going on?? Are you ok??????
> 
> >> Or is it cause of me?
> 
> >> JUST ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING PHONE JESUS FUCK
> 
> >> Please.
> 
> >> Seriously Alexander, I’m really worried here, you don’t have to answer my questions from earlier just please let me know you’re alive.
> 
> << I’m sorry I never answered John, that was rude, I’ve been really busy the last couple of days.

Not technically a lie, but Alexander still felt like shit for saying it.

> >> ALEXANDER YOU’RE OK
> 
> << Yeah, I’m sorry.
> 
> >> It’s ok I’m just glad you’re alive.
> 
> >> Nah fuck that I’m pissed as hell but I’ll forgive you.
> 
> << At least you’re honest.
> 
> >> Too honest a lot of the time.
> 
> << Me too
> 
> >> Nice.
> 
> >> ANYWAYS
> 
> >> Are you actually ok? You never answered my question and I don’t want to call you out or anything I’m just stressed.
> 
> << It’s fine John, I get that.
> 
> << We were actually dating online, about seven months ago by now.
> 
> >> Wow what a freaky coincidence.

Alexander bit his lip. He hated lying to John. He didn’t know why it made him feel sick, he lied all the time, this shouldn’t be any different.

> << Yeah really.

He didn’t wait for a reply to come, instead opening Laf’s messages. He knew they’d be pissed, but hopefully less so than John.

> **Baguette**
> 
> >> alexandre answer ur phone
> 
> >> a l e x a n d r e
> 
> >> alexandre pls johns rly worried
> 
> >> tbh we all are but like ?? you just read my messages and left???
> 
> >> scared john is so sad pls don’t scare him he’s like a sad puppy it’s unforgivable
> 
> >> ALEXANDER VOUS MORCEAU DE MERDE ANSWER YOUR PHONE
> 
> << Hi Laf, I answered John.
> 
> << What happened to your policy against vulgar language?
> 
> >> doesn’t apply to french
> 
> >> and I saw john’s less upset now
> 
> >> he's still really upset just he doesn’t look like he accidentally killed a pigeon now
> 
> << That’s an oddly specific description.
> 
> >> if u could see him, ud know
> 
> << Your spelling is terrible
> 
> >> yeah
> 
> >> anyways come down and see us johns here rn
> 
> >> and hercs coming after his shift ends so u can meet him too
> 
> << Sounds like fun
> 
> >> yep
> 
> << Sorry though, I have plans
> 
> >> excuse u
> 
> >> with who?????

Alexander decided to wait a bit before answering them. He sent a text to John confirming that he wasn’t giving him the cold shoulder, and that he was alive, and opened skype.

> **James <3 [JReignGolds]: online**
> 
> << We’re still on for today, yeah?
> 
> >> Of course we are
> 
> >> You have my address?
> 
> << Yep. I can be there in about half an hour.
> 
> >> I can’t wait to see you :D

Alexander smiled at his phone and got up, grabbing his keys and earbuds. He kept his bus passes in his wallet, which he stuck in his pocket with his keys.

> **Baguette**
> 
> << You don’t know him
> 
> >> oh ho ho ho ??????
> 
> << Bye Laf.
> 
> >> ;))))) get it

He laughed softly as he walked out, getting into the elevator and hoping it wouldn’t stop at Laf’s floor. It didn’t, and he got out with no one really noticing him.

He wondered if he should tell his new friends about James. They had been dating for about seven months by then, and he lived in the same city now. He hadn’t been to James’ apartment yet, but they went out a couple of times to a coffee shop, which is how he got the hickey John noticed when they met. Then of course there was the disaster that was Alexander’s Target visit. James was a bit more dominant than Alexander expected him to be, and the bite hurt a little, but it was fine. It was worth it. James never wanted to hurt him, he was just a little… Bold.

There was nothing more to it.

\---

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Alexander, I’m sorry please--” James reached out to touch him and Alexander took a step back without thinking, dropping his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at how hurt James looked.

“I have to go.” He whispered. Alexander picked up his bag and walked to the door, trying not to cry from the stinging pain in his cheek.

“Please don’t go--” He turned around and kissed James softly, trying not to notice the discomfort he felt when their lips touched.

“I know you don’t mean it.” He said, telling himself to smile. “I love you. But I told Laf I’d go to their place.”

A flicker of doubt crossed James’ face when Alexander mentioned Laf, but he smiled. “I love you too.” He touched Alexander’s arm, a gesture that was supposed to be comforting. Alex gave him one last smile and left his apartment, breathing out shakily once the door closed. He only gave himself a moment before walking down the hall. He jogged down the stairs because he was too frenzied to wait for the elevator and dashed out onto the sidewalk, only making himself relax when he realized how it would look to run out of the building. He wondered if James was watching him from the window, and turned to look up. He thought he could see a figure behind the thin curtains, but the sun was glaring off the window too bright for him to tell. Alexander crossed his arms over his chest to warm himself from a phantom shiver and walked down the street to get to his bus stop.

Alex played music to block out the sounds of the people around him while he rode the bus back to his house. He turned his head to look out the window in hopes of avoiding questioning glances people gave Alexander when they saw the fresh bruise on his cheekbone. Alex saw his reflection in the window and shuddered; it had become an ugly shade of purple, tinged almost yellow in some places, and the skin was hot and inflamed.

Trouble by Halsey came on when he was walking up to the building, and he stopped to change his music to a different playlist. He felt shaken up, but he knew it was nothing. James loved him, there was no way he meant to hurt him, Alex was just overreacting. It was Alexander’s fault anyways, he shouldn’t have been so presumptuous. He wasn’t the one who had to live with James’ mother, after all. He shouldn’t have assumed things about his homelife.

There was one other person in the elevator, but it was no one Alex recognized, so he opted not to pay any attention to him. He leaned against the wall of the elevator and exhaled slowly, forcing himself to relax. The violent music was starting to take away his stress, but Alexander had to hope the other person in the elevator couldn’t hear it. He didn’t want to have to explain why someone shouted ‘my cock is much bigger than yours’ into his ears. It was bad enough the first time he had to.

He smiled softly, thinking back to the first time he heard the song. James had sent it to him, saying that it was fucking hilarious, and he had to listen to it. He had managed to download it to Alexander’s phone illegally, along with a lot of other System of a Down. It reminded Alexander of when they were still long distance, laughing together over Skype. Everything was so good back then. It was terrible of Alex to think that James didn’t love him; of course he did. James wouldn’t act the way he did if he didn’t love Alexander.

He watched the stranger step out onto the floor under him, and a part of him wondered who it was, and if he was going to Lafayette’s house, or the mysterious Jeffersons who lived next to them. He ignored it and walked into his own apartment, which was still empty. Mr. Washington was supposed to be back in an hour or so, Mrs. Washington not too long before then. Until they returned, Alex had the flat to himself.

He locked himself in his room and threw his phone on his bed, sitting at his desk and firing up his computer. He turned up the volume on his concentration playlist and opened the document he was working on earlier, but to no avail. He knew exactly what it was he needed to write, but Alex couldn’t seem to get the words out. After a few minutes of staring hopelessly at the screen he picked up his phone and checked his messages. The offer from Laf still stood, and Alex wondered if he should take it up. He needed to work, he couldn’t let down Mr. Stevens, but he could just pull another all-nighter to make up for lost time.

> **Baguette**
> 
> << Hey, I can still go down to your place right
> 
> >> !!!!!!!!!!!! ofc !!!!!
> 
> >> john nd herc r here now
> 
> >> u can meet herc !!!!!!!!
> 
> << Should I be afraid
> 
> >> non
> 
> << …. Ok
> 
> << I’ll be down in just a minute
> 
> >> !!!!

Alexander smiled and powered down his computer, getting his keys and wallet just in case. He walked out to the elevator and waited for it, sending a quick message to the Washingtons to tell them where he was. It was really absurd that Alexander had to wait several minutes for an elevator to take him down one flight, but the only stairs in the upper half on the building were the two fire escapes.

“Alexander!” Laf shouted when they opened the door for him. Their excited face turned into one of worry when they saw the bruise coloring his cheek, and they reached out to gently brush their fingers over it. “Alexander, what happened? It wasn’t that boy you met, no?”

He shook his head, smiling softly as he walked in. He saw two people sitting on Laf’s couch, one being the guy who rode in the elevator with Alexander. “No, I got in a fight with his neighbor. Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh shit,” John said, looking up at Alexander. He was seated in the other guy’s lap, leaning back against his chest. Alex wondered what their relationship was as he sat on the chair opposite to them. “Alex, my man, you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine, really. I’ve had worse.” It wasn’t a lie, though the bruise did hurt like hell.

“That’s not incredibly comforting.” The other guy said. Laf sat on the other side of the couch and shoved their feet into John’s lap. “Hercules Mulligan, by the way.”

“Alexander Hamilton,” he said, “I’m fine, really.” He waited, watching them, hoping they’d just back off. It wasn’t really their business who he was dating. They seemed to accept it, and went back to whatever it was they were talking about before he joined them. Alexander let out a silent sigh of relief and threw himself into the conversation, hoping they could all forget about his bruise, including himself.

\---

> **Group; Freckles, Baguette, Herc, [unknown number], [unknown number]**
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> alexandre is coming tonight u can all meet him
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Yeah, hi
> 
> **[unknown number]**
> 
> >> Ah so you’re the kid who scared Laf and John out of their fucking minds
> 
> >> Hello.
> 
> **[unknown number]**
> 
> >> Angelica, please, be nice
> 
> **[unknown number]**
> 
> >> Nah
> 
> >> He scared my buddy
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> pls,, how u say,,,, chill
> 
> **[unknown number]**
> 
> >> Laf he scared the fuck outta you
> 
> **[unknown number]**
> 
> >> Angelica, please watch your language, there’s no need to be crude
> 
> **[unknown number entered into contacts as Angelica]**
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Don’t u think Laf and John should be the ones to say how fucked Alexander is
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> language herc
> 
> >> john more than me tho
> 
> >> and he apologized it’s fine
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Saying sorry doesn’t mean he’s forgiven for giving you a fuckton of anxiety
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Well what can I do to make up for it?
> 
> << I really am sorry though
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Ah
> 
> >> It’s you
> 
> **[unknown number]**
> 
> >> Angelica!! Stop being mean
> 
> >> I’m Eliza, by the way, hi
> 
> **[unknown number entered into contacts as Eliza]**
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Hi
> 
> << I’d introduce myself, but it seems redundant
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> See? He’s nice, not cruel
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> I still think he’s a dick
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> excuse you
> 
> >> he is nice
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << I’d hope I am
> 
> << I don’t mean to offend anyone
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> He’s polite not nice
> 
> >> Nice people don’t ghost people that r supposed to be their friends
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Yeah, I know
> 
> << I fucked up, I’m sorry
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> language
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Je suis désolé
> 
> << Je suis un enculé
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> thank
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Tf does that mean
> 
> >> I don’t need more french here
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> I agree with Herc
> 
> >> I took Spanish, not French
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Oh, soy hable español también
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> When did you learn both Spanish and French??
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << I was raised speaking both
> 
> << Hebrew, too
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> I’m starting to resent you a little less
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Thanks?
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Rly tho that’s pretty cool
> 
> >> I speak French pretty well but eh
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> I’m the only monolingual one here ;-;
> 
> >> John speaks Spanish too & a lil French
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Nice
> 
> << Where is he anyways?
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> probs sleeping
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> No he’s with me
> 
> >> I’m helping him with pre-calc
> 
> >> His phone was taken away
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << School hasn’t started yet tho
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> Math stresses him out
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> same
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Agreed
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Me too tho
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Why?
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Math is hard ok
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> it’s confusing
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Really?
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Uh yeah
> 
> >> I took calc last year
> 
> >> It’s complicated :((
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Yeah I took it too but I didn’t think it was that hard?
> 
> << I like math
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> wtf
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> Oh can you help me then ? I’m taking it this year so if I need any help can you help me ?
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Yeah sure
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Wtf why don’t u ask me
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> Because you got a C-
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Oh shit
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> l a n g u a g e
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Why u gotta expose me like this
> 
> >> Plus Alexander probs didn’t do much better SO
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << Actually I got an A+
> 
> << I feel bad for bragging tho
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> a true gentleman
> 
> >> I weep
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> I
> 
> >> You offend me
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << I’m sorry??
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Nah it’s cause you’re good at math
> 
> >> Which is just
> 
> >> Rude
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Rt
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> rt
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> At least ur probs bad at lit tho
> 
> >> No one’s good at both
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> Why are you hoping he’s bad at something that’s rude
> 
> **Me**
> 
> << I gtg
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> Wait but r u bad at lit
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> he gone
> 
> >> he just
> 
> >> he just got up and left my apartment
> 
> **Herc**
> 
> >> WTF IS HE GOOD AT BOTH I’M
> 
> **Eliza**
> 
> >> He probably needed to go home you know
> 
> **Baguette**
> 
> >> idk he just left
> 
> **Angelica**
> 
> >> Amazing
> 
> >> Watch him ghost us again

Alexander chewed his lip as he read the messages. Since it was a group chat, he didn’t have to worry about read receipts. He still felt rude for ignoring them all, but he had always been bad at facing his problems. He had work to do anyways; he shouldn’t have been with Lafayette when he was supposed to be writing.

> **Eliza**
> 
> >> He probably just had to do something don’t jump to conclusions
> 
> **[you have left the chat]**

He turned off his phone and threw it onto his bed, turning his computer on and opening his document. He would write something that day even if it ended him.

He saw a notification blink at the bottom of his screen.

> **James <3 [JReignGolds]: online**
> 
> >> Hey love, wanna come over tonight?
> 
> >> My sister’s out at a friend’s house, mom’ll be out too

Alexander contemplated ignoring it, even though Skype said he was online. It wasn’t uncommon for him to forget to turn it off, but he shouldn’t ignore his boyfriend, despite the discomfort he felt when James mentioned that they’d be alone.

> **James <3 [JReignGolds]: online**
> 
> << Sorry :( I can’t tonight
> 
> >> Why not??
> 
> << I promised a friend I’d go to their party
> 
> >> Who?
> 
> << I don’t think you know them, they live under me
> 
> << We’ll be at the same school
> 
> >> “They”
> 
> >> ?
> 
> << They go by they/them/theirs pronouns
> 
> << I’m not trying to hide anything from you
> 
> >> Ah.

Alexander felt a little guilty at the message, like he had somehow let James down. James didn’t answer with one word unless he was upset. Alex wondered if it was his fault. It probably was, just like it was at Target.

> << Is everything ok?
> 
> >> Yeah, I’m fine.

James answered too quickly. Alexander felt a hint of irritation, wondering why he was avoiding Alexander’s question. He didn’t  _ seem  _ very fine, and he didn’t want James to think he couldn’t trust Alexander. Alex trusted James; he deserved the same.

> << Are you sure
> 
> >> Yeah I’m sure
> 
> >> Nothing is wrong ok?

Alexander sucked in a sharp breath. He knew he pushed too far. He shouldn’t have meddled. It wasn’t his business.

> << Yeah
> 
> << I’m sorry
> 
> >> It’s fine
> 
> >> I gotta go make my sister lunch
> 
> << Ok.
> 
> **James <3 [JReignGolds]: offline**

Alexander closed the screen, watching James’ icon turn yellow. He went back to the document and stared at it until his fingers started to move over the keyboard. He shoved down his feelings, throwing himself into his work. He didn’t have to feel for himself, not when he could work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realize just how much I have planned for this cause like every character has an arch and shit and like,,,, this si gonna take FOREVER to update once a week SO for now I'm saying every Monday for sure then also possibly Wednesdays as well tho Wednesdays are not yet set in stone they will be soon once I write more so,,  
> Up next; Hercules
> 
> EDIT; Aug 28--- HA HA SO I'm rly sorry I missed this update and that I'm gonna miss the next couple hhhh I have a few reasons, 1.) school started and though I'm a creative writing major we haven't actually done anything beyond introductions, debate on government policy, and yoga (rly) so far so,,,, 2.) tech glitched out and made me lose over twO HUNDRED FUCKING PAGES OF WORK not on this particular thing on an original work which is WORSE and I've been working on it ALL YEAR and I'm rly stressed out abt that rn 3.) these next few mondays are gonna be p stressful so I'm gonna make a hiatus until monday the 12th sorry it's s o l on g but this will give me the chance and lack of excuse to binge write a fuck ton of this fic so I can go jump into updating twice a week then and yeah I am so sorry but like Life is happening and with that comes Stress so I'm just putting this out there to a.) explain b.) clear my conscious of just not updating and giving no explanation so, , , ,,, ,,, ,, ,,,,,, ,,, yeah. I've also been writing a bunch of other shit cause that's how I procrastinate apparently but y e a h so there's probs gonna be something else coming up rly soon (I already have one thing planned but another one or two as well)
> 
> EDIT Sep. 12-- WOW GUESS WHO SUCKS AT UPDATING (me) haha I'm so sorry I just started at a new school and like,,,,, stress and anxiety is happening bc now I have a major I didn't have that before (majors in creative writing but never writes oops) so like,,,,,,,,,,, I'm gonna hiatus this a lil longer just so I can like focus on getting used to this new (weird as FUCK) school and like my classes etc (also I'm currently sick and like can barely watch TV cause I have no brain I hate this I just want to kick this infection in the ass) so I'm going to tentatively say the last monday of september at the very latest but who knows my life might be thrown into chaos again so I'd rather not make another fucking message so TL;DR I'm really really really sorry about this but I gotta not cry from stress


End file.
